Name Your Emotion to Tame It
By Delphine Ang
It was past 12 midnight and my little two year-old daughter was still wide awake, crawling around on the bed. To prevent her from falling off the bed, I put pillows near the edge of my bed as a barricade for her but my attempt was futile. She almost stumbled off the bed in the dark. Thankfully, I managed to grab hold of her in time.
Though she was unhurt, she would not stop crying. Despite my efforts to calm her down and tell her to stop crying, she would not cease. I found myself getting increasing frustrated as all I wanted to do was to sleep. As my arms went around her to give her a back hug, my right hand felt her heart beating quickly. It was then I realised that her near-fall had scared her.
"Yaya, you were frightened because you were going to fall off. You felt unsafe. It is ok now. You are safe now because mummy got you. You are warm with me." (The underlined words I said to her were amongst the 42 feeling words in the My Feelings 'R' My Friends cards she was getting familiar with after I introduced the cards to her).
I was pleasantly surprised that her crying stopped almost immediately after I verbalised the feelings she was having. I was excited. I knew that 'Name your emotion to tame it' is scientifically proven to work but I just did not expect my two-year-old daughter to understand it at her age.
This is not a once-off incident to prove that helping my child to connect and name her feelings allow us to manage the challenging moments. Indeed, like what Psychologist David Rock said, by simply noticing and naming your state can significantly reduce stress.
Have you ever felt frustrated, flustered and getting all riled up when your child is having all the big and difficult emotions?
Instead of us trying to invalidate their feelings but getting them to suppress their feelings, what if we can help them to better connect with their feelings, creating a safe space for them to feel heard? What if, we can, together with them, help them discover the message and gift behind each and every feeling?
